• Zain Dib

June 2021- Healing the heart

I don’t write that many blogs, to be honest, I'm not a big typer, I think it because It's not a passion I kept after graduating from the City of Westminster for my English I was hooked on reading and typing then but slowly the fire just dwindled, but a lot of things happened to me this month, and I think its better to begin this blog again going over the months and what happened much more interesting than going over week by week, no ones life is that interesting unless you’re a king although I doubt a king would do blogs considering their responsibilities. To begin the month I lose my friend or someone I held very close to my heart, I don’t want to say the name but she was a nice enough Lithuanian girl, that’s two Lithuanian in my life I've lost. I think we just weren't happy, I loved her but she wanted things to stay the same I don’t think she trusted me and I was growing more frustrated with her. I wrote a long but not so long message on discord expressing myself and in the end, she just ended it. The relationship that was made after the first game Jam I had in a while poof gone. I replied a bit longer and that was that I just was not happy she was not happy, that was it she wished me a good life and me to her. She unfriended me and I retorted back by unfriending her on Instagram, Facebook. Although soon I would terminate those accounts that are, later on, started the long journey of forgetting or at least trying to move on I later learned that the acquaintance from the group I shared with her all from the same game jam unfriended me on discord I guess they didn’t see the point in staying friends with me which is ok, I never spoke much with them.

By now the Tranzfuser game Jam had started, I picked up a new artist for 2D although the process was annoying you had to create a tranzfuser account which to me I couldn’t which weird had my programmer do it for me and I called him, I needed anther designer because I don’t have four arms since my sound designer didn’t have the appropriate proof that he graduated university just his ID card that had no date, which is strange why you wouldn’t hold on to a certificate like what? Then other issues kept cropping up like the artist getting vaccinated, or his computer getting repaired or his hand getting smacked so it took longer to get the damn designs from him, another issue was one of my programmers kept missing meetings, not talking soon ghosting and then he messages saying he had to move back home how there was a personal issue, are you kidding me of all the times!

Not to mention my issues using blender which is a new software for me to use, I model good models and soon I find that there are two issues with my level designer in unreal: 1 the models are humongous and 2 the texture isn't showing. I use the ruler tool to create standards for the models and export as FBX scale to 100, then it turns out the material was not properly used I think when texturing as how I textured the models was special in that these were low poly models so I just shrank all the UV and selected the faces to the desired colour I wanted- two weeks of issues from me condense here sorry guys.

After that, I was threatened by someone to pay up or they would release something to my contacts so in a rush panic I deleted both my Facebook and Instagram without saving my contacts there granted I wasn’t going to meet them and they weren't really close but still sucked to lose those 44 followers. It was a tense standoff between me and them and in the end, I was trying to pay them but I hadn't used my PayPal in quite some time I wasn’t using Moneygram as my passport was in a secret place and it just wasn’t working so I get a family member to pay them and in the end, they refuse the payment – I just handed my phone to the family member and that was that. Honestly felt sad for that person.

Aside from that playing games I've gotten addicted to hades, The walking dead season 3 and 4 is finished season 3 was okay but season 4 wow first time in a while that a game had me that emotional last time was I think season 1 of the walking dead, miss you lee. And now I have an urge to watch prison break.

I still think of her from time to time I’ll heal eventually, like my father said “nothing lasts forever”

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